Thursday, January 14, 2016

Basement Redo

I've started on the basement! So far it's just been cleaning, organizing the boxes and stuff that are stored down there, and finding stuff to put on top of the sump pump pit cover because it was super creepy!

The toys and things are now in the play area. I used the extra set of seats from our van as a kind of couch so the kids had something comfy to chill out on. We had an extra floor lamp we no longer needed so I set that up to get more light in the darker area of the basement. So far I've spent no money, though I know I'll need to. I still need to get a rug for the main play area, some kind of tote boxes for the things that are currently being stored in boxes (for protection in case of flooding and to hopefully keep the kids out of all of it), and some decorating things to spruce it up and get rid of the bit of creepy basement vibe that's still going on.

More updates and pictures to come!

Move & A Rental Basement Redo

Over Christmas break we moved! We want from a too small 3 bedroom 1 bath with no storage, to a 4 bedroom 2 bath with a basement. Each of the kids now has their own room, which basically just means I have another bedroom to clean lol. It's nice that they each have their own space though!

On the Facebook page I had said that I would be doing some things to the basement to make it a useable space. I'm nowhere near done, but have been able to get the toys and such down there and start making it more of a play space, and less of a creepy basment. A post on that is coming soon!

Tuesday, October 27, 2015

Public School So Far

We've had our first parent/teacher conferences of the year. I was really nervous, but I shouldn't have been.

P is doing amazingly, as usual. Her worst grade is a B, and she works so hard at everything! Her teacher loves her, said she was a great student and an even better kid! Such a proud mommy moment!

G is loving school. He's still at a point where they don't do letter grades, as they feel that would be too much about how much they know not how much they're trying. He is having some issues with letters and numbers. They've put him in intervention classes for it, but they do games and active play instead of papers and tests. He's learning, growing, and figuring it out. At this point no one is concerned (ok, no one except me lol) and they just want to make sure he's enjoying school.

Overall everything went well, the kids are very well liked in school and they're loving going!

Friday, September 18, 2015

Time Passes

School has been in session for about a month now. P is, as usual, doing amazingly. G is loving school, just like he said he would! He is needing some extra help, but we recently learned that he may need glasses so that might be the problem....we'll figure it out next week when we schedule an eye appointment for him.

L is learning a lot with one on one attention. He's only 2 (almost 3, but we just won't talk about that lol) and is doing some simple addition and subtraction and learning to read!

With two less kids during the day I've had more time to focus on getting healthier mentally. I'm doing very well, though I do feel an extreme personality shift coming. This time I'm not afraid, because it feels like a good shift, not a bad one. This depression I've been fighting for months is finally going away. I can't wait to see what I am without it again.

Time passes, things change, but it's not something to be scared of....It's something to celebrate.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

When Plans Change

My plan was to keep G homeschooling. My plan was to allow P to keep making her own choice on where/how she schooled. My plan was to be able to do all these things that I wanted to do.

Life happens. Sometimes plans need to change. G is going to public school this year. I'm beyond dissapointed in myself, for not being able to deal with all the stress of kids, homeschool, house, wife, and taking care of MIL who needed a place to go. I'm dissapointed, but I'm also so excited.

G is excited to try school. He's excited for new friends and new sights, he's excited for the bus and lunch time. He loved picking out a backpack (Batman, with matching detachable lunchbox....it's pretty awesome), he loved picking out his school supplies and comparing lists and supplies with P. He's even excited for school clothes and shoes shopping over the next couple weeks! G, the kid who hates clothes shopping and treats shoes like they'll give him the plague!!

Maybe this is really for the best. He's so happy, and I'm happy to give him this opportunity to try something new. If it doesn't work out, at least he tried and that's enough for me. I just want my kids to be happy and loved, no matter what!

Monday, July 13, 2015

Dear Depression

I don't talk about my bipolar disorder often, I prefer to keep it to myself. I've spent the past few months under this dark cloud of hell, and I've decided that I need to do something about it, I need to help those who suffer from it too. So, this is my letter to depression...I hope it helps me and others.

Dear Depression,

I hate you. There is NO other way to put it. I've never hated anything as much as I hate you. You make my life hard! You take all the light and leave me with nothing but darkness; feelings of hate, sadness, shame, and fear. You make me have to fight for my life every single day, every hour, minute, second! You pull me down, choking the life from me. You make me feel like an inadequate wife, mother, person...like a waste. I fight so hard to get away, but you always hold tight, refusing to let go. I've fought you and your demons for so long...I honestly don't remember what my life was like before you.
You always bring anxiety with you, making me afraid of everything. I want to go out the door? BAM You're there, like an invisible barrier around the door, preventing me from leaving, preventing me from truly living. You bring feelings of such extreme inadequacy with you, clouding my mind with feelings of I can't and I'm not good enough. I never feel good enough. Someone says I'm a good mom? The darkness in my mind laughs at me; telling me they're lying. Someone says I'm a good wife? Here comes that darkness to laugh at me again.
That darkness is big, it's unending, as large as all the universes in all of time. If I don't fight it will consume every bit of me. If I don't fight the darkness will win. So I continue to fight, I keep pushing forward when all I want is to lay down and say "You win! Just make it stop! " I fight for my husband, my children, myself.
I fight for hope, because there's always hope. Remember that ok? Remember that there is always hope! Hope for the future, hope for a better day, a better hour, a better minute, a better second. I hold onto that hope, because it prevents you from winning.

With love, and hope
Me.

Monday, March 2, 2015

It Isn't Working

We've been unschooling our 5 year old since the public school year started. He's learned a few things, but has pretty much spent every.single.day in front of the T.V. either playing video games or watching YouTube videos of other people playing video games. I decided that unschooling isn't going to work for G. Over 6 months in and he still hasn't self-regulated and shows no signs that he will.
I broke down and started searching for curriculum so that we could try actual homeschooling. A few weeks ago I tried Easy Peasy with him and he loved it...until he just didn't anymore. He got angry that school time meant less video game time and refused to do it anymore. It's beyond frustrating, especially since hubs isn't 100% on board with homeschooling.

I'm not ready to give up, but I'm losing my drive. I'm finding myself more frustrated every day, but I still don't think that public school is best for G. I guess I'll just keep trudging along and hopefully we find something that clicks with him soon!